How Brother and Sister Should Relate In Islam

A general review of the relationship between brothers and sisters in the heart of the Muslim world of both ancient and modern times reveals some interesting patterns and contrasts.

From the very early days of life in that part of the world, that relationship was sometimes marked with rivalry, jealousy, and hostility. Sibling rivalry often involved the parents as favoring one child, almost invariably the youngest, to other children.

This was further aggravated by the practice of polygyny as well as other social considerations. For example, there are indications that even among contemporary Middle Easterners sibling rivalry is conscious, deliberate, and contemplated by some families so that the child may, in Patai’s words, “stand up to its rivals upon becoming an adult.”

It is also probable that these families’ early ancestors might have felt that “exposure to competitive stress within the family was the best way for preparing the sons for life . . . where . . . might meant right. . . ”

However, the sibling relationship, especially between brothers and sisters, was more often than not profoundly amicable. There are indications that brothers were allies, helpmates, and reliable supporters of one another.

So commonly, it seems, was this the case that their solidarity, compassion, and natural fealty became proverbial or set apart as lofty ideals, whose implementation is both desired and desirable. The Qur’an, for example, speaks of the Believers as constituting one brotherhood and refers to the Muslim individual as the brother of every other Muslim.

This appears to suggest that brotherhood must have meant a strong bond, an appealing sentiment, a familiar rallying cry, and above all a special relationship.

The Qur’an was calling upon these people to interact with one another as brothers. Unless brotherhood had actually meant something particular to these people and their ancestors, the Qur’an’s call would have fallen upon deaf ears.¹²⁴

Moreover, there is literary evidence that in pre-Islamic times, brothers (a) loved their sisters and their sisters’ children, (b) shared their wealth with their sisters, (c) married experienced, older widows and divorced women in preference to young maidens because the former could take better care of their husbands’ sisters, (d) heeded the sisters’ counsel and sometimes implemented it, and (e) protected their sisters and respected their wishes. On their part, sisters reciprocated and often favored their brothers over their own husbands; blood bonds were deemed stronger than marital obligations.¹²⁵ In the Islamic context, however, brothers’ relationships were reorganized either to take new dimensions or to discontinue old ones.

The very concept of brotherhood was broadened to include the entire body of the Believers. Brotherhood in faith transcended brotherhood in blood, although it did not necessarily replace it completely.

The principle of ihsan, with all its denotations, was to be implemented in and applied to the brothers’ relationships. But in spite of the enjoined compassion and mutual support, every individual brother or sister is still held independently responsible for his or her deeds and directly accountable to God.

Whenever there is an irreconcilable conflict between one’s relationship to God and the demands of consanguineal brotherhood, one’s spiritual welfare comes first in priority.¹²⁶

Blood brothers and sisters share their “gains” and “losses” collectively. When they inherit from a deceased relative, e.g., a parent, they share the assets together. Likewise, when they are enjoined to support a needy deserving relative, the responsibility is shouldered by them together.

The distribution of such gains and responsibilities are agreed upon by jurists in principle, although some differentiate between the sexes, doubling the male’s share of both gains and liabilities.¹²⁷

With reference to the mutual obligations of brothers and sisters, there is a general agreement that this intragenerational relationship must be governed by kindness, love, equity, and all that is denoted in the concept of Ihsan.

This is what the statements of the Qur’an and the sayings of the Prophet command. But jurists disagree as to the specific application of ihsan in this connection. Some schools take it to mean primarily specific, fixed responsibilities for brothers and sisters as far as their maintenance needs are concerned.

It is the religio-moral duty of the Muslim to support his needy brother or sister adequately. Failure to discharge this kinship duty is not only indicative of ingratitude and disrespect for blood ties, but also punishable here and now as well as on the Day of Judgment.

Other schools interpret ihsan among brothers and sisters to mean a general sentiment of compassion and consideration that does not necessarily amount to any specific compulsory pattern of aid and, above all, does not involve recourse to litigation.

Needy individuals accordingly, are the collective responsibility of the whole community, not only of their blood brothers and sisters.¹²⁸

REFERENCES

^124. al Q u r 'a n , 2:178; 3:103; 9:11; 12:69; 19:53; 20:30; 25:35; 28:34-35; 49:10-12; 59:10.

^125. al Han (2), pp. 315 ff.

^126. See the references cited in note 124 in this chapter; cf. al Qur’an, 9:24; 23:9; 58:22; 80:34.

^127. See su p ra , pp. 304 ff; also a l Q u r 'a n , 4:7, 11, 170.

^128. Cf. Ibn Taymiyyah, a l F a taw a , p. 453; Ibn al Qayyim (3),